I’ve officially marked two weeks of my sabbatical.
Initially, I felt as though I spent most of the days thinking a lot and doing very little. I said I was in the ‘ideation’ phase so thinking was part of the process. But then I thought, and thought and overthought and then started overthinking about how much I was overthinking.
That’s when Doubt entered. It questioned whether I was skilled enough, motivated enough, sure enough, smart enough, capable enough, just enough.
As I was scrambling for the most convincing answers, Fear walked in and enlightened me on all the ways I would fail, on all that would go wrong, on all I was not capable of handling, scolding me for how incredibly risky my decisions were. It encouraged me to let go of my lofty dreams and just get any job, because I need a job, and any job is good enough.
Although outnumbered, I didn’t flinch, I didn’t back down. I listened to their concerns, and as I did, I realised how far I had come. I realised that I was now present with myself and so aware of each and every conflicting thought. I realised I now possessed the power to sit with my thoughts rather than in them.
So with this new found power, I welcomed Doubt and Fear and acknowledged their concerns, but, I reassured them that as much as I will always respect their input, Faith and Hope have this part of my life covered. I thanked Fear and Doubt for visiting, and politely asked them to leave as they had outstayed their welcome.
I am progressing, I know I am, and that is more than enough!