When I Was More Than Enough

I’ve officially marked two weeks of my sabbatical.

Initially, I felt as though I spent most of the days thinking a lot and doing very little. I said I was in the ‘ideation’ phase so thinking was part of the process. But then I thought, and thought and overthought and then started overthinking about how much I was overthinking.

That’s when Doubt entered. It questioned whether I was skilled enough, motivated enough, sure enough, smart enough, capable enough, just enough.

As I was scrambling for the most convincing answers, Fear walked in and enlightened me on all the ways I would fail, on all that would go wrong, on all I was not capable of handling, scolding me for how incredibly risky my decisions were. It encouraged me to let go of my lofty dreams and just get any job, because I need a job, and any job is good enough.

Although outnumbered, I didn’t flinch, I didn’t back down. I listened to their concerns, and as I did, I realised how far I had come. I realised that I was now present with myself and so aware of each and every conflicting thought. I realised I now possessed the power to sit with my thoughts rather than in them.

So with this new found power, I welcomed Doubt and Fear and acknowledged their concerns, but, I reassured them that as much as I will always respect their input, Faith and Hope have this part of my life covered. I thanked Fear and Doubt for visiting, and politely asked them to leave as they had outstayed their welcome.

I am progressing, I know I am, and that is more than enough!

 

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30 thoughts on “When I Was More Than Enough

  1. It must be the season for fear and doubt to visit. In the last few weeks, an unfounded premonition or feeling of doom has been overwhelming me, wanting me to freeze in my tracks and not continue to move forward. It tells me to be content as many of my friends are in their retired state, but that isn’t me. Your expression mirrors mine. I’ve come way too far to give in now.

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    1. Oh Jolie I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. You are certainly not alone. But, simply acknowledging that inner voice, the hope, the faith, is in itself an incredible strength. Your life is yours, and yours only. Listen to that inner voice, she’s the one that knows you best! Thank you for sharing your story here. It means so much to know that I am not alone. I wish you power and light.

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  2. Congratulations for this! The stages, the well written style, and spirit..
    And thank you for sharing… I’m hoping to be like you… Please keep this coming…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I wish you all the best in all your dreams. I’m learning that it’s all in the little steps. Absolutely I agree with you. The path I was headed seemed infinitely worse to me!

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  3. Very well put, honest and open. I commend you for being so open about what you’re experiencing, and it’s so true that doubt and fear often try to take over, so even better that you caught them and assured those pesky feelings that you got this. For I too have felt this way, but as you found out it’s important to just observe these thoughts without going into them. 🙂

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    1. You are so very kind, thank you! I’d been dishonest for so long that honesty became the only viable option to climb out of my rut. Absolutely true, fear and doubt certainly can’t go ignored, observation is key. I’m happy to hear that it’s working for you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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