When I Dared To Be Seen

During the course of the last few months, I’ve been pushing myself forward, mindfully, creating the life I want, the life I believe I’ve always been destined for. I have very few answers. I’m learning to just trust the process as it unfolds. I have faith in who I am, and where I’m heading. This is everything I know, in the depths of my being, as my absolute truth.

But, while I possess this unwavering truth, I still have my days. Anxiety takes over, dread settles in, my foundation feels threatened, and incredibly vulnerable.

Over the past week, I experienced exactly this. I was so frustrated that it had returned. My patience ran thin, I was just tired of experiencing it. My thoughts spun around like a broken record. When a good friend noticed my slump and asked about it, I almost felt too ashamed to share the details with her. Besides, it was just the same old thoughts, fears, doubts, as I’ve had since prior to beginning this journey.

So, with my journal, I went to the library and had a conversation with Self –

Have I even made any progress at all? 

Could this mean I’m having a relapse into my anxiety?

At the core of me, I feel unchanged, happy, clear, strong, so why/how do I still feel all of this?

No no, it’s different these days, I know it is. I’m just having a moment of “weakness”. I’ve come a long way! I know it’s there, I know it will pass, and I’ve proven that I’m now capable of managing it.

In the past my vulnerability was potent. It would infect my thoughts, my actions, it would make decisions for me. It would pass through me, brutally scrutinising everything in its path. Whether it lasted days or weeks or months, its effect would be devastating. It would leave me feeling displaced, powerless, and lost, recovery a slow process. And, I would feel ashamed, for having experienced it again, for having experienced it at all.

Fortunately, since then, things indeed have changed. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and the strongest. I’m aware, empathetic and accepting of my Self. I’ve reconciled with many aspects of myself, which has allowed me to better manage my periods of vulnerability.

However, after this recent experience, I’ve realised that while I’ve accepted that my vulnerability exists, I have yet to do so wholeheartedly. To see it as a sign of my courage, not my weakness. To be proud of it, not ashamed. To be able to fearlessly voice its existence, rather than quietly waiting for it to pass.

I came across this by Brené Brown, a leading voice on vulnerability and shame.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

So here I am, willing to let myself be seen, by you all, but most importantly, by me.

I will have my moments. At times, just a gentle shallow tide. Other days, it may be an overwhelming swell, doing its best to envelope me whole, and drag me out to the deep. On these days, I will feel it – the dread, anxiety, loneliness, doubts, fears, the absolute terror.

And when I do, I wish to welcome it all, with all my heart – with the courage to allow my whole Self to be seen, unashamedly.

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220 thoughts on “When I Dared To Be Seen

  1. Good going. I try to be so courageous and to recover alone. In your writing you let us know how to find you and what you are feeling and thinking. It goes without saying that you are loved, and in daring to be seen in the darkness you are inviting us to show up as human and vulnerable alongside you. That said, I’m thinking that instead of shame for failure, let us know, and someone will come to you in this interconnected telepathic archipelago we exist and form. That’s all.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. So kind of you thank you. It has been most empowering, the love and support offered to me by this community. Our thoughts and experiences can be so isolating. I am forever grateful for individuals such as yourself that continuously make my truth feel so welcomed. Thank you 🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Flawlessly written ✨ I feel like my own soul could have penned this. Thank you for putting words to my journey as well. Keep showing up, shining the light where the darkness tries to hide. You are SO MUCH stronger than you think. Blessings on your journey 💫

      Liked by 5 people

      1. You’re an incredibly kind soul, thank you for such beautiful words. It’s always so magical knowing someone else can relate to the truths of your soul. I am truly honoured to be in such amazing company. We’re not alone, there are so many of us here that share such similar experiences. I wish you all the very best on your journey. Power, and light to you ✨✨✨

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Kait, I’m glad you relate. Never ending alright, but you’re absolutely right. The power is within us. Thank you for the precious reminder. Lots of love, power and light to you 💗💗💗

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a relatable post. You put into words exactly what I go through. I’ve made it over the mountain off all consuming anxiety, but it does come back in doses. Self talk is one of the most valuable things you can do when struggling to cope with your mind. It gives you a clear perspective and writing it all out allows you to organize all those jumbled and chaotic thoughts. Love it, thank you 💜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you lovely, beautiful words 💗 I’m happy to know you’ve made it over the mountain, but you’re right, it does come back. It has helped me to accept that it is in fact a part of me just as much as my courage and light is.

      My words help, it’s the only way I know how. I’m glad yours help you too. I wish you all the best. Love and power to you 💗💗💗

      Like

    1. The hardest for me has been to be seen by me. It’s been a long road, but so incredibly worth it. I wish you all the very best on your journey darling, may you find all that you seek xx

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  3. Great post. Vulnerability is a challenge of mine as well. It’s so scary being seen sometimes. And I love Brene Brown…..maybe I need to reread her work. Namaste ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Her work is absolutely amazing. I find her words so gentle and comforting, while raw and honest. I’m reading Daring Greatly at the moment and plan on digging deeper into her earlier works. You’re always welcome here darling, all of you! 💗💗💗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautifully put. I too am struggling with feeling vulnerable and putting myself out there – that’s weird, I just published a post on that today. I am also a fan of Brene Brown! I love her message! Vulnerability is strength!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Kate. I really liked your post on vulnerability. It was a beautiful honest, heartfelt read. Thank you for keeping the dialogue open with such gentleness. I believe it’s so important to do so.

      It is difficult, I still struggle with it, but I am trying to push through. It’s a beautiful release to just sit in it, acknowledge it and respect it. I wish you all the best, keep sharing your story as you have a really beautiful way with words xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your kind words! I’m glad it resonated with you. Yes, it is something I struggle with a lot. Even posting that feels open and vulnerable. I appreciate your encouragement so much. Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My pleasure 💗 I admire your courage to be seen. It inspires me onward.

        We’re not alone in this, we are many.

        You, your whole you, is always welcome here xxx ✨✨✨

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You have very much courage and looks like you’re stronger than you might think. At the same time writing is the way to cure ourselves, it is also hard to share with other what we are going through.
    I do the same thing, I’m always anxious about my situation and I suffer very much with it.
    But I guether courage to write about it and other things, so I can feel better. And indeed you’ve been doing just that. And I just want to say that I really hope you can get better and better and always remember that you can be stronger than you have ever thought. It’s inside us.
    Great blog! I’ll keep reading!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Marina. I admire your resilience and drive to push through and manage your anxieties. It’s certainly not easy. I’m glad to hear that your words also accompany you while you experience the worst of times. I owe so much to my words. I agree, we are stronger than we know.

      I wish you all the very best on your journey darling. Power and light to you xx

      Like

  6. Wow this resonates with me on so many levels, it so good to know that other people feel similar to way that I do. Believing we are all one and feeling it are very different. Thank you for your words.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Thank you Shruti ☺️. Yes I’ve spent most my life growing up with people older than me, learning from them and their experiences, and judging what I saw as right and wrong helped me develop an ‘identity’ I could create for myself that would suit me. However, time after time I realised that identity really wasn’t me, I was still unsure who I was, I could not remain consistent anymore. So I decided to stop communicating to all my friends for a while, I read more books, spent more time by myself to accept myself as I am. I realised what I thought of me and what is really me was HUGE. My desires of the future was trying to form a definition of me, and my memories of the past that I held on to tried to make it stable. My present self was unconsciously changing moment to moment. I had to learn what love was, unconditionally for myself, it is the biggest thing, which made me fearless to act. My mind was cluttered by conditions of the society in my head previously. Meditating daily helped me be free of the clutter, be more courageous to act, become more decisive, less and less anxiety until it disappeared. Becoming more conscious of myself was of course the first step. Your page is very insightful I must say. Not many share their views and opinions on their life so easily. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for the support. I love blogging, it’s new it’s different and my topics are spontaneous. I’m glad it made you smile.

    Take care,
    Himalay
    http://www.wisdombeyondmind.com

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I feel as of I am going through the same process that you have written. I feel as if I am moving forward, creating the life that I want but then I have my self-doubts. Your post made me believe that I am not alone. Good luck to you and than you for your words!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re not alone darling, we are not alone. The more I share my story here, and in person, I meet others who are doing the very same. They are pushing forward, they are persevering, with courage, and tenacity. Yet, self doubts still accompany them. Even the most successful people that I have met, have doubts, and fears. One amazing soul told me recently that they are fearless, yet not fear less. They have become better at accepting that fear, doubt, anxiety, they are all part of the experience. “Everything in moderation,” he said. It was an eye opener!

      Wish you all the best, always remember you are not alone! xxx

      Like

  9. I have never related more to a written piece of work. I’m stunned that I came across this now, because I hit a rough patch exactly the way you’ve described here. I couldn’t possibly have read this at a better time. This was incredibly comforting. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

    1. I’m so glad you’re here, thank you for your kindness. I couldn’t think of anything better than my words providing another beautiful soul with comfort. You’re not alone darling. I wish you all the best and hope you are gently moving onward along this journey of yours. What a journey it is! xxx

      Like

    1. I’m revisiting it right now as well! So incredible isn’t it. Her courage to be seen, and ability to wrap these deliciously concise words around such complex discourses, astounds me! My pleasure, thank you for being here. Enjoy the book! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you for your words of clarity . I was feeling exactly how you were feeling yesterday. Feeling like everything is F’d up when actually it’s not. A friend of mine came by and when i admitted the depression and anxiety i was feeling based around my life. Feeling like I’m walking backwards instead of progressing forward and she was able to help open my eyes to all my greatness which help me feel 100% better. The devil’s motive is always to block our vision to the blessings in our life so we are unable to be grateful and to continue to grow into our purpose. But when you fight against him, YOU ARE WINNING! I’m proud of your fight, you are stronger than you know. Keep exposing your weakness because that is when you are at your strongest which weakens the devils stronghold over you. 😘

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re very welcome darling, it’s my pleasure . You’re very brave in sharing your truth. Thank you for doing so with me. You’re not alone in this, I can relate to so much of what you’ve detailed above.

      Your honesty is your strength. You should be very proud. I wish you all the best on your journey towards self. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I feel like you are talking about me so I’m glad I read this. I have been working so hard to get over my anxiety and trying to create and maintain a more positive life. beautiful read, thank you

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your self awareness and honesty is a great strength darling. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story, I really appreciate it. I wish you all the best. You are stronger than you know and you are not alone. I still struggle with my anxiety but now I work hard to sit more comfortably with it. It’s certainly not easy but over the years, it has allowed me to accept my anxiety as a part of me, rather than a foreign visitor. Our anxieties are all so different. We all have our own ways of dealing with it. You will find yours. Sending you love and light.

      Shruti xxxx

      Like

  12. Wonderful insightful post. This certainly resonates with me, as you will know since you were just reading my post of the same ilk. Thanks for writing what many of us feel so eloquently.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Just stumbled across this and really loved it. I also use my journal to sort through my feelings and it helps a lot with my anxiety too!! It’s pretty therapeutic. Anyway, beautiful writing! Loved this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you darling, I’m glad you’re here. I’m so happy to hear that your words help you too. It’s such a powerful tool, right there with and for us. Good luck with your own journey. May your words continue being your confidant and pillar of support. Take care hun 💗💗💗

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I can relate so much to this post, this is how Iv felt before and now am finally having the courage to also be seen. This was great post sweet reminded we can over come emotional obstacles but someone how they will always be there, wether it be in a big way or a small way. The important part is acknowledging, feeling and continuing to be resilient!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Monica. I commend you for your courage, and resilience. It’s a superpower Monica, at least it’s starting to feel like mine. Thank you for sharing your truth with me. You’re always welcome and celebrated here, your whole self, just as you are. You’re an inspiration 💗💗💗

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Very well written we all go through these moments of self doubts but it’s ok but this helps us to accept our vulnerability improve ourselves and become better I think after sharing it with everyone you are already stronger Stay Blessed ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. You know, you’re right. It has been in working toward accepting my vulnerability, that has made me feel stronger. No facade, no persona, no mask, putting these up has been so very exhausting. I am so grateful to everyone here, including yourself, for being so supportive of my truth. What a beautiful community it is to be a part of. Thank you again, take care 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. As I read through this post I found myself nodding along. I can relate to so much of what you said. It is so easy for us to get to a place of questioning our progress, but the true sign of out strength shines through when we can stop and take a deep breath amidst the storm and say out loud “I am better today than I was yesterday” or “I am stronger today than I have ever been, even though today is difficult, I know I can get through this storm in one piece”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow so beautifully put, thank you Vicky. These words of affirmation are really powerful, I’ve made note to remember them as I continue along this journey. Thank you Vicky, I needed your words today. Wishing you all the best, take care 💗

      Like

      1. Thank you. It’s great to have a circle of support in life. Even from people we have never met💖. It confirms that the universe is a United space even if it appears to be in chaos so much of the time.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. This is the first blog post I saw of you. I liked that your blog transpires your life and their experiences. It gives meaning to all when we see others going through something similar as we sometimes do. I wish to best to come out of your “weak” state and follow your purpose with complete conviction and without fear. All the best.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, for you sweet, kind words. You certainly are not alone. There are so many of us that share such similar experiences. It’s so wonderful to have a space where our most honest words are welcomed and supported. I’m always grateful. I wish you all the best. May you find what you are seeking. Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Love this post so much because I can relate to it.. Im glad I’m not alone too. Not many would share their struggles on their periods of anxiety but you did💪🏻 thank you for this.. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much 💗. I’m overwhelmed by the support I’ve received from beautiful souls such as yourself. For so long, as I went on rejecting my true self, I felt like a fraud, an outsider. Now, as I come to truly accept myself, I feel a sense of belonging I’ve never experienced. Thank you, I’m glad you can relate. We’re not alone in this 💕💕💕

      Liked by 1 person

  19. “So here I am, willing to let myself be seen, by you all, but most importantly, by me.”

    Such a tender, pivotal moment. Something we only witness in our solitude. ❤ Warmest hugs and loud hurrahs from a sister.

    Liked by 1 person

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