Where I am

I am 30 and some months.

I am unmarried, un-partnered, un-mortgaged, without child.

I am living back with my parents.

I own very little of anything.

I am dealing with my anxieties –

of being unmarried, un-partnered, un-mortgaged, without child.

of living back with my parents.

of owning very little of anything.

But, I am actively dealing with it.

I’m reading, I’m learning, I’m sharing my truth with myself and others. At times, I’m uncomfortable, but I’m putting in the work towards acceptance, resilience, and completeness. I am expanding and shifting. I am shedding myself off of my own judgements, notions, and unchecked biases.

I am beginning to own my story, own my Self.

At 30, I am not obliged, I am not burdened, I am debt free. I have choices. I have opportunities. I have friendship. I have abundant love and I have support.

I. am. free.

I have never felt so completely alone, yet so complete.

No, this is not what I had planned for me at this age, but this is me right now, so I will accept it, and continue on this path with curiosity, and gratitude.

I must continue putting in the work. It is going to take work.

And right now,  I am so willing.

 

 

 

 

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81 thoughts on “Where I am

      1. I love your sense of vulnerability in yourself and your life and in sharing your thoughts this way. Blogging is such a therapeutic way to help shift through all kinds of complicated. Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So lovely thank you! After reading Brene Brown’s work, it began to change me. I began to see that vulnerability could be a superpower. It’s only in others’ willingness and courage to be vulnerable, that has inspired me to be the same. It’s inspired me to live my truth. Therapeutic is certainly how writing feels to me. Thank you for such kind words Shaynelouise ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  1. This is beautiful. I just turned 30 in February and this reminds me SO much of where I was last year.

    Last year.

    Because, day by day, time marches on.

    And you get stronger. And BETTER. And, as committed as you are, you will also be HAPPY. And I am happy for you 🙂

    Xo Charlene

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy belated birthday!!

      How wonderful and inspirational. Thank you for living your truth!! I’m happy for you too.

      Thank you for your beautiful uplifting words. I so appreciate it. Here’s to leaning into the day by day, embracing every step of the journey.

      Shruti xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to this a lot, I’m constantly comparing myself to others who are the same age as me and are married, with children and their own house. Life has its own path for each of us and there are no time limits.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your story is relatable, and i’d say you’re doing great with this reflection of yours. Continue being yourself and walk the journey of life at your own pace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for liking my post ‘Let go’!

    You have a very nice blog. I can relate to this post. I am also 30 and some months. I am too unmarried. I also live with my parents. I am too dealing with my life with the hope that things will change.

    Best of luck for your life. Things will definitely change.

    Like

  5. I’m turning 50 next year..I’m not where I an supposed to be ..married ..I’m divorced. Being single scares the hell out of me. But I’m happy. I love the freedom that comes with it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What’s a beautiful outlook. Yes it’s scary, I can vouch for that. But I realised we can miss out on all that’s to gain when we just focus on what we’ve lost. Best of luck to you, and I’m glad you’re happy and embracing the shift.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. When I was a student — around your age, I guess — I went to a fair (in Germany, a Christmas market I think) and there was a booth with sayings, affirmations, etc. that you could hang on your wall. One read “today is the first day of the rest of your life” — and I thought it was funny. Your text also captures this sentiment for me: the limitlessness of opportunity when we look forwards, rather than back. It’s very beautiful! 😀

    Like

  7. I am 34 and completely relate to you, and celebrate you for sharing this so openly and transparently Sis. We, and those like us at all ages, are in a unique position — and sometimes unique positions feel lonely because there isn’t a lot of company there. But I pray that as you continue exploring, you find the company of those who can — and can’t — relate kind, lifegiving and inspiring. Keep shining brightly!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’ve articulated this so so eloquently, ah I love it! Thank you thank you. You’re a beautiful writer! It’s so unique, and lonely, but it’s amazing that once you start living and sharing your truth, you start meeting others who can relate. Opening this dialogue up has made such a profound impact in my life. You’re truly amazing, I truly appreciate yours words. Thank you x

      Like

  8. It is so awesome to Accept today and take Responsibility dear young friend. Freedom has always been my driving light.
    Am sure the best of your life is yet to unfold. Hope and Wait. Love 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I love all your posts, the honesty, the wisdom, I look forward to reading your pieces. I always appreciate when others share their truth for it allows others like me to lean towards theirs. Thank you 💕

      Like

  9. Very honest view of your life. I think it’s a wonderful quality to have the ability to know yourself and expose yourself through words. You’re almost complete 😊

    Like

  10. There is so much pressure to fit in and do the things that everyone else is doing. But do living up to these expectations really fulfill us? I get a sense that being unmarried, single etc. seem like less than ideal things from what I’m grasping from your post. I believe this is what society has shaped us to want. Speaking from experience, completing this list wont make us whole or make us feel more fulfilled because we are hungry for something more, something that has greater meaning to our existence. I like how you mentioned completeness. I agree – what we truly want to feel is complete. 😇

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Hilary, sorry for the delay in reply (and this huge comment). I absolutely love this, thank you! You’re right, your sense from my words was so correct! I didn’t want to admit it at first. I wanted to say to you, “no way, single is ideal for me!” But that’s not true. I do feel the pressure. Yearning for another is a default, and it’s a sort of conditioning that I am learning to be mindful of. Learning to not only be happy where I am, but to find the power in it.
      In the past, I used to numb myself, escape feeling at all. These days, I want to feel everything, in order to know myself whole, the completeness. Thank you for your words, it truly made me reflect and call myself out on my own crap (in an amazing way, there’s nothing I love more!) Thank you, thank you! Truly xxxx

      Like

  11. I am new to this whole “putting yourself out there for anyone to see” thing.
    Not a big fan of the term “blogging”, because it is so trendy and hip and just what people do. I decided to start to tell my story to anybody or nobody, but mainly to myself.
    Then after a small post, a first small step, a stranger comes along and gives me a thumbs up. It is basically a way to say “I hear you and the struggle is real”.
    Thank you for telling your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll never forget my first thumbs up. I’ve learnt the power in community. You are supported. This piece of realestate is all yours, no compulsory labels. You can call it what you want, do with it what you please.
      The struggle is certainly real, and it is shared. Take care ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I am so excited for the possibilities for your future. It’s never the destination, it’s the journey. Enjoy your travel. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I’m approaching 50, and I wish I’d had your self-awareness 20 years ago. But one of the most important things I’m learning is not to live with regret. We make decisions based on our circumstances and best intentions. If they don’t lead where we want to be we can reflect. Is there something to learn? Is this where we’re actually meant to be?

    At whatever age we learn how to really be at peace with ourselves, I think that’s when the best years of our life begin.

    “Owning very little of anything” is a great place to be. As time goes by I realise how little I need to own. I slowly declutter my life of unnecessary objects, as I also try to declutter my mind of unhelpful thoughts. It is so liberating!

    God bless you and your journey.

    Like

    1. Such beautiful insight Gavin, thank you for sharing. I agree with you, our timing is ours alone, and the focus really is arriving at that wonderful place of peace within ourselves. It’s a constant journey, sometimes a battle, but I realise now, that is just life.
      I hope I continue, questioning, learning, evolving, battling, overcoming, arriving at specific points in my journey to pause and reflect. Then, continue the journey all over again.
      Thank you so very much.
      Take care, power and light to you on your journey.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I love this post. It may not be where you planned to be. As I’m telling myself, you get to now choose where you want to head to. To design your life. I hope it’s awesome!
    Love, light and glitter

    Like

    1. Thank you Ash. I was started to feel caged, as if being 30 and alone was some sort of prison sentence. It’s weird and wonderful and at times quite painful where our mind travels to. I knew I needed to shift perspective, to take ownership. To say and write the things out loud so that I could begin my journey of acceptance. It was incredibly painful writing this post, but so so necessary. It liberated me. Thank you again Ash, I am always so taken aback by the kindness of humans xx

      Liked by 1 person

  15. It is hard to buck “ societal norms.” Follow you.

    I am 53, never married, no children yet I have a full life that I love. To each her own.

    Liked by 1 person

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