How I’ve Managed My Heartbreak

Post long term relationship breakdown aka a knife to the gut, I’ve been asked how I managed it all.

In the relationship, I became reliant. As much as I was empowered, independent, I began to grow increasingly dependent and happily so. The relationship was my safety net, my comfort, a beautifully convenient distraction from the disjointed relationship I had with myself.

When it was no longer, my loved ones were there, but I knew that this was ultimately just mine to manage.

Alone, I found myself at a crossroads, with what I saw as just two options –

  1. to fall apart as I felt so inclined; or
  2. to do everything in my power to keep from falling apart.

After it happened, I took a week off work, a week of mostly breaking, the prelude. I had to start work again. I loved my job and of course, I also needed it.

So, I chose Option #2.

I was broken, merely holding myself together, but I did, because I had to, I just had to. Option #1 was not viable. I was adamant that I would not allow what happened to impact, nor sabotage the positives in my life, and there were still so many – my job, my friends, my family, my independence and my future.

I took one day at a time, sometimes just by the hour. My emotions could have me soaring above it all, then just like that, I could nose dive, crashing into the pain. I tried to be kind, loving, understanding, and gentle toward myself. If I needed to break down, I gave myself a schedule – after work or on the weekends. At times, of course, unexpectedly I’d be confronted with a devastating surge. I had begun to understand that these particular surges, although very rare, had to be dealt with more care. I would take a day off work. I’d go for a walk, or I’d stay in bed all day. I would eat healthy, or I’d eat shit. I would journal, reach out to my loved ones, or I’d isolate myself completely.

I tried to give me what I needed. It was a constant negotiation with Self. I wanted to ensure we were working as one, doing our best not to over indulge in the shit, whilst still allowing a safe space to experience the necessary phases of healing.

Over a year later, I remain committed to Option #2. Although on numerous occasions, I’ve come so close, it’s in keeping myself from falling apart, that I continue to manage not to do so.

I owe so much to this painful, disorientating chapter of my life. I have learnt the true meaning of commitment, this time, to myself. Above all else, it has shown me, the profound power I posses within – the ability to ultimately decide how my story reads.

And for this, I’ll be forever grateful that what was, is no longer.

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79 thoughts on “How I’ve Managed My Heartbreak

  1. Hey, I was about to write on the same thing and after reading your article, I know that no matter what I would’ve written, it would not have turned out to be so articulate and so impactful. I’ve also taken option #2 but I had very little ideas on how to carry it through, your words have helped a lot.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m genuinely taken at the thought of my words helping another. It really means a lot to me thank you. In the past, I had stopped listening, I was hardly writing at all, neglecting myself completely. I started to blog (as painful as it was, and sometimes still is) because I knew deep within me, my truth wanted to be released, and heard.

      Your words are your own, your story, just yours. I hope you still write the post you were going to write. Just for yourself, because it wants to be written xxx

      Like

  2. I’ve been in this situation and yeah it takes everything not to fall apart. I’m glad you took the course of action where you kept moving forward despite the heartache. You kept living. And that’s inspiring, it shows bravery and strength. Well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My goodness it takes absolutely your all doesn’t it. Thank you Tom, I don’t always feel it, and that’s why I guess it’s so important to reflect. In reading your stories, I can see you have and continue to persevere, despite it all. You should be so proud!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “…a constant negotiation with Self.” Well done. Well said. Congrats in your overcoming, and may it continue to create a better understanding of self until your heightened self awareness finally delivers you to where you truly deserve to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing this. I started blogging as a way to “figure out” all these emotions, fear and strength I had post break-up and I’m still figuring it out. But what I found is this amazing community and I realize, every time I reach out, I’m not alone 🙂

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    1. You’re very welcome and thank you! I began blogging pre breakup but similar to you, to figure out me out. I agree. I am so grateful for this beautiful community I have found on wordpress. The support has had and continues to have such a profound impact on my journey. You certainly are not alone Jane! Take care, Shruti x

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  5. It’s amazing how the universe works. I just now got an email notification about this post but you posted it in June yet we’re in October! I feel as though the universe is looking out for me. This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so strange, I actually did only post it in October, yesterday. Either way, I am so happy it has resonated with you. Thank you for visiting, and for your support. I really appreciate it xx

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      1. Very strange. Nonetheless, it struck the right cord. It’s ironic that I yearn for a partner when the most beautiful moments of my life have been in solitude.

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      2. I know what you mean, I have felt the same. While yearning in my solitude, I have found a profound beauty and power in it. I hope now, that I can still retreat to my solitude even when I am partnered xx

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  6. “I’ll be forever grateful that what was, is no longer.” I love this. It’s so hard to see when a breakup first occurs, but looking back once you’ve recovered and discovered how much better you’re doing on your own, it’s a beautiful realization.

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  7. No relationship can ever compare to the one with self, you become more empowered, enlightened, surprised etc by the hour……Lonely is the only company…….Your honesty is priceless, bold & much appreciated…. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve come to realize that most clichés are true, keep pushing, I know you’ve came a long way and you will continue on with much success, you have a healthy perspective, thanks for replying……

        Like

  8. Lovely prose! A particular teenage heartbreak affected me so much that it took me a very long time to let my guard down and be exposed to Love. My following relationships could have been described as, to paraphrase Robbie William’s song “Feel”, ‘before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her.’ Now, I can look at my wound and just see it as a scar, no different to a birthmark. It has no effect on my life.
    Option #2 is always the best. Thank you for the reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Francis. It’s so difficult isn’t it, letting your guard down after heartbreak. I’m experiencing that now, especially trusting in anyone else’s word, that’s hardest for me.
      Ah yes! There are some songs that have been instrumental during my experience also. I’m so glad to hear that in time, you have healed from the experience. It’s so very reassuring thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Awesome piece! I’ve never been through a true breakup nor am I looking forward to it but we all have to remember that what doesn’t kill us simply makes us stronger, knowing this makes Option #2 easier.

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  10. beautifully written and relatable as I have recently just gone through a break up as well. was reading your other posts and you truly have such an incredible gift

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  11. Beautifully written! By sharing your experience with this I think you will provide some much needed encouragement. You do really show that being resilient is an active choice.

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  12. Your words reached me on a day that I have been contemplating the very same questions, Options 1 or 2. So it is with joy that I read your summary on the past year, through your honesty in the reality of coping and growing. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you the best for finding your own balanced place within such strong emotions. ❤

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  13. Beautiful post! I’m so happy you chose option #2. Sometimes, heartbreak is the best thing that can happen to us, ironically. I don’t believe I would have mastered self-love any other way.

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  14. Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing. I admire you for choosing #2 and sticking to it as you have. I usually fall apart. Also I loved the fact that you gave yourself days and time on schedule to break down, I think that’s the secret.
    And this: “The relationship was my safety net, my comfort, a beautifully convenient distraction from the disjointed relationship I had with myself.”, a big truth under the surface of so many relationships, don’t think anyone has put it in better words.

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    1. Thank you so much. But darling, this time around I may have chosen option #2, but I too have fallen apart, many a times. I really stand by the saying that with breakdowns come breakthroughs (even if it certainly didn’t feel like it when I was a puddle on the floor). Now, looking back I feel I owe my breakthroughs to my numerous breakdowns. I wish you all the best Athena, power to you, you’ve got this! xxx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you for your comforting and at the same time motivational words. Lots of love and positivity to you! Wish you the best 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Congrats Shruti! Consider yourself a certified self-coach and this IS a difficult title to acquire.
    See, when such an event breaks us down, it’s because our pieces are held together by someone else’s glue.
    Use your own glue and you will be fine. Unfortunate events will still hurt, but they wont break you ever again.

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    1. I love it, how wonderful! Thank you George. I have been that person before, expecting, using someone else to hold me together. It was not healthy for me, and certainly not sustainable. I am learning how incredibly empowering it is to be my own glue. Thank you, I so appreciate your perspective!

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  16. I hope this isn’t offensive but it was reassuring to me to see that other people also struggle post-breakup. It just seems like physical pain gets deference and we should be able to brush off emotional pain. Post-breakup, I was embarrassed at how difficult it was for me to keep it together and for how long this struggle lasted. I had my share of mental health days where I ate very unbalanced meals but it made me feel better, which was good enough. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Goodness not at all offensive Lisa, thank you for sharing your thoughts and for being so honest. For me, it’s been over a year. I am happier than ever and feel so incredibly empowered. But even now, I have my moments, and my triggers, all born out of my heartbreak. I still have days where I just want to check out and deal with things. Time has allowed me to manage it better.

      Heartbreak is awful Lisa. It’s so disorientating. Take your time, be gentle with yourself. No one else can tell you how to go about it and how long it will take to heal. I can sense that you are aware of yourself and your needs. Let that guide you. Take care of yourself, power to you xx

      Like

  17. Being a women of profound strength makes you a hero to those who read your WORDS. I am proud of you! Even in our darkest times we have options! I too have learned from my sorrows in my life. You will do more good by saying NO I will not allow this to define me! I will be the one to define and live to share my WORDS! Way to shine! Always bring the light!

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    1. You’re truly so kind, thank you. You are the author of your own story and your story wants to be written! Good on you Mindy, your power and resilience resonates through your words. It’s so wonderful, I am really happy for you! Take care of yourself, love and light to you xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I have recovered, but with a realisation of all the ways it has changed me. I am stronger, yet at times more fragile because of my heartbreak. It’s the worst but the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I hope you’re healing, you will in your own time. Take care. Sending you love and light.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Reblogged this on EQUATOR'S BLOG and commented:
    One popular saying from a friend of mine goes like this, “DON’T FALL, EVEN IF YOU WILL FALL, FALL FORWARD.” The way we handle situations after we’re heartbroken matters. We need to make it a time to love ourselves more, know ourselves more and develop our personalities.

    Like

  19. A lot of strength to your post. Broken up into clear thoughts, lucid vocabulary and expressed in succinct way. I have found when speaking I try to end the speech with a take away, ie a lesson or positive thought for my audience to “take away””. Just my opinion of course. Thanks for visiting my blog and I hope you will read more and comment. A favorites category on there might interest you especially the five regrets post

    Like

  20. Wow this was amazing. I just went through a horrible break up, and am starting to get positive. But these past days I isolate myself in my room, and go out only when I have to. I make plans with friends to keep myself busy, but I can’t stop thinking about my ex. It is time to move on but it hurts in doing so. I have an ENDLESS ache in my stomach it feels like a pit in it. Did you have that during that mourning period? Thank you for sharing, this was really inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That ache, I still have those moments now, but ever so slight and always fleeting. It’s the age old cliche but oh so true, it does get better with time.

      In that time, give yourself what you need. You know yourself best, be gentle, be kind, know that you are deserving of the greatest love, that for yourself.

      For me, I had to sit in it and really feel the heartbreak, to be present, to acknowledge that I was hurting and hurting was completely okay. But we all have our own ways, you will find yours.

      We all heal in our own time. And you will too darling. I know it. Until then, know that you’re not alone in this. My heartbreak was over a year ago, but I still remember. Take care of yourself, sending love and light to you. Message me anytime if you need it 💗💗💗

      Like

  21. As the tears roll down my cheek
    A subtle smile for the fact i made it through another week
    I’ve come so far from this broken heart
    The trauma, pain, loss and shame
    Have tested me along the way
    But i see the light of those before me
    Walking their own journey
    I finally realised i wasn’t walking this journey alone.
    Thank you for holding that dim light for you that helped me see. 😭❤️

    Like

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