Does It Have To End?

When I committed, I gave myself a year. To have my adventure, to sort my shit out, to realise my ideas, be my true self once and for all, to discover my life’s work and start creating it. Then, I would return to Australia to continue it on home soil, never having to go back to my corporate 9-5 ever again. Simple! A whole year, to change my whole life! No pressure right?

When I took the leap, I planned on operating solely on gut feeling.

“What made you finally do it?” They’d ask me.

“I just know it’s right.” I still answer, this reason being reason enough.

I’ve leaped before, from 14,000 ft. Bungeed, head first, into nothing but jagged rocks below. I’ve leaped from relationships and from careers. I’m certainly no stranger to it.

But this leap, it’s different. There’s no harness, no guaranteed job, no next relationship. This leap is completely self driven, self reliant, self funded. It’s now up to me to make all my own decisions, create my own work, hustle for opportunities. And it’s all up to me to create something sustainable for when I return home.

I spoke with J about my one year adventure deadline. He asked me what would happen thereafter. Well, I guess, my adventure would end and I would hope I’ve got myself sorted. He asked me why it had to end? Isn’t this leap just the start? He added finally with such resolute “this is it Shruti, you’re now living your life’s adventure, and it’s just you flying the ship, the direction, your choosing.”

Fuck. There it was, the epiphany. I had done it. I was now in total control of my journey. My life until now, a beautiful, slightly turbulent, at times disorientating adventure. My life from here on in, the adventure continued, this time more mindful, conscious, honest.

I have no real plan, I have no real clue. I have no answers. I don’t even know the right questions to ask. I have no one guiding me, telling me what to do, showing me what’s right. The journey is fraught with risks, but amongst the danger, cohabiting so amicably, I see opportunities.

Of only two things, I am sure – that I trust my gut feeling and, that I am willing. To show up every day and do my work. To write, to capture moments, to build on my ideas, to put myself out there, to reach out to others, to learn. I’m fucking terrified. I push through the fears. I doubt whether I am capable of achieving anything. So, I push harder.

Because, I just must. 

Just one day at a time. I know it is only in doing so today, that my tomorrows will sort themselves out. My answers will arrive, my ideas will evolve, and my life’s work will reveal itself to me.

And there’s just no telling when it’ll all end, for, this grand adventure, is now simply just life.

 

 

Advertisements

90 thoughts on “Does It Have To End?

  1. Good luck. Sounds like one hell of an adventure. I like my secured life too much to ever contemplate. There’s opportunities out there just go grab them. Plus you’ve got nothing to lose. Worse comes to worse you start again when you come back.

    Like

      1. You’re young just do it. Believe me when you’re older you’re less inclined to. Not as brave and then there are commitments , mortgage and kids to think of. The list goes on and on 😊

        Like

      2. Thank you, yes those were on the table for me too until unexpectedly life dealt me some cards. I saw a second chance, and a window of opportunity I knew I had to cease. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I echo your thoughts but from a different perspective and different stage of life. But still seeking a purpose and new direction. Good luck to you.

    Like

    1. Hi Miriam, I hope you’ve been well. Our own experience of this life can feel isolating at times. It’s so comforting to know, that there are others who, in their own way, share your sentiments. I wish you all the very best, Shruti x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I really love your post about your adventures. I want to take my own adventures but it feels like its gonna be impossible for me cause of money and my job and juat the way my life is set up period but I’m gonna change that soon

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! A year ago, it was impossible for me too. Just a pipe dream. I went through many changes, heartbreak and let go of so much, to get here. Some my own choosing, others which were out of my control entirely. It takes time. Even now, some may think I’m crazy. I had a wonderful job, a great network, a future that seemed set, but I knew I had to have this adventure now or never. And never just wasn’t an option. I wish you all the very best. May you have your adventure, in your own way, on your own scale, because it’s just yours to have 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. End? No. This is all a process. There is no end. The process is “it” and looking into a future makes you lose all of the mechanism that is moving the air an drhe flesh and world in your NOW. We are programmed for results but the result is actually the happening.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Focus on the present is key, I absolutely agree with you. It’s where all the magic is created informing all our tomorrows. Beautiful words of insight, thank you so much.

      Like

  5. It is true we have to work to survive but one thing I dread more than death is not to have lived. Its unsurprising, for me, to discover that the most common regret of the dying according to Bronnie Ware –who worked as a palliative nurse for persons in their last 3 months of life — was this “1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree, I’ve thought about this and it’s what keeps me going, the idea of really having lived. I’ve left behind so much because none of it felt true to me. I was just drifting, goal posts forever changing. I just wish to live a simple life that is truly mine. Thank you for the beautiful insight, I really appreciate it x

      Like

  6. Treat your life as your film that you act in it. Your life is your story, just choose and decide and do whatever makes your adventure more and more beautiful and exciting. Your adventure isn’t done yet because you’ll face many things in your life other than the things you’ve experienced it before. Wishing you the best in your coming adventures 😊 and stay strong💪

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I absolutely love this, thank you so much for putting it so beautifully. So incredibly true. We forget this, how much power we possess to ultimately direct our own narrative. Wonderful souls like you are there to remind us, when we need it the most, and I am ever so grateful, thank you. I wish you all the best.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I find your story inspiring and cant wait to hear more. I am digging deeper into your posts but I do have one question. How much did you start out with? Your adventure is one I want to take. It is all about the leap. I have a chance to set aside my world coming up. I am single, older, no children and have a great job but I want to find me.

    Like

    1. Hi Rob, apologies for the delay in reply. I am so happy to hear that you too are looking to take your very own leap. It sounds as though you have a wonderful window of opportunity. To be honest, I believe what you start of with is very subjective. I remember doing my research when I was contemplating, and reading such conflicting information, the whole exercise quite counterproductive. At the moment, I’m travelling through Nepal, majority of the time, I’m planning on staying with family members, at budget guest houses or couch surfing. My budget may most likely not reflect nor be helpful or informing another’s.

      I was terrified at first, thinking I would never have enough to sustain myself, until I made the decision that I would do so on whatever savings I had accumulated. I felt ready to make it work for me. My advice for you Rob, is you got this! When it’s time and you’re ready, you’ll make it happen, and the universe will be right there to support your every move.

      I wish you all the very best on your journey. Take care of yourself, Shruti.

      Like

  8. What a wonderful place to be, somewhere in the great mystery. Really love your self expression and the eloquence of truth in your potent words. What an adventure this life is. Cheers to you and infinite blessings on your path.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hello. I’ve been following for a while now. Not many people would take that “Leap” into the unknown and just go with it. Many do not have the ability nor financial means to do what you are doing either, because in many places, we are taught that the 9 to 5 grind is THE way of life, and there can be no other. Men and Women like you who say NAY to that and go do that have courage of conviction.

    Do Not Leave Prematurely, that place you are in right now, before you get the puzzle pieces you need to move forwards. Have painful conversations, ask tough questions, Live, Live, Live, life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving. You are in an amazing part of the world. See it all. If if you need to see MORE, then see more. You said this is your time to sort yourself out. How long does that take, well, it depends on you doesn’t it ? Sorting ourselves out can take a lifetime. I encourage you to immerse yourself in every little thing, person, experience, food, spirituality, hope, belief.

    I know what it feels like to make that leap. Been there, done that too.

    Find the life of your dreams, and if you stay where you are, if you find you cannot go back, you will find a way to survive. We don’t necessarily have to go BACK. We can, go forwards too. Have you thought about that ? The world is a big place. And there might be one special place that speaks to your heart and your soul. Only you would know that. Seek it.

    Have fun.
    Jeremy in Montreal.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Jeremy,
      Wow goodness me, thank you from the bottom of my heart for contributing in such a profound, powerful way. I really appreciate it and to be honest, I really needed to read it. I have actually saved this. If I lose perspective, if I start to doubt myself, if fear attempts to seduce me, I have your words. It’s amazing, that someone you’ve never met, from opposite sides of the world, can have the power to really speak to you. You’ve done just this, and I will never forget it. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. You may never truly know, how much you have helped me in my journey.

      With immense gratitude, Shruti.

      Like

  10. I truly see myself in your words as, even though in totally different parts of the world, this is very much how I felt. People told me how “brave” or “crazy” I was for packing all my things, leaving my apartment and quitting my job without any guarantees, but I just knew it was right for me to take this leap, no matter how scary it seemed. There are days where you’ll maybe wonder about what to do next or question yourself, but I can tell you this much… If it felt right, if a weight was lifted when you made these choices, it is the right decision and it will all fall into place. 🙂 I found that as I let go of the work routine I started to wonder more, to question more, to reflect more. Hope you keep writing about your experiences and these reflections, as you’re very talented! And I wish you the best of luck in this journey of discovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sara,
      I am so happy and inspired by your story. It’s always so incredibly motivating and magical to hear stories of others who have taken similar leaps. Absolutely, when I made my decision, I knew instantly it was right. There was a click, I could almost hear it haha. Thank you for taking the leap that you did, because it’s in doing so, in sharing your story, that inspires fellow seekers like me. I wish you all the best Sara, take care. xx

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Wow very touching. It resonated with me a lot.
    I wish you good luck with your adventure. May your intuition guide you where you belong. Its brave that you are putting yourself out there. Keep pushing your fears!
    Very inspirational!

    Like

    1. You’re so kind, thank you so much Nata. Wishing you all the very best also, and I look forward to following your journey, you’re a wonderful writer. Take care xx

      Like

  12. I enjoyed that, Shruti! The journey should be an adventure and vice versa. It only ends when you take your last breath. Life should be lived to its fullest. We should turn our life’s drudgery into an adventure. We only live once in this time-space. Age is not a determinant. When I was a kid, my favourite fairy tale was “The Pied Piper of Hamelin”. Why? Because, I would follow his magical music through the cave in the mountains and into a wonderland of adventures. Enjoy your journey and the people you meet or have accompany you on your way, however brief.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Francis, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I agree with you, it’s only now that I see that life itself is our greatest adventure. I want to immerse myself in every bit of it, the good the bad and the ugly, for its all part of the human experience. Thank you again, take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I loved this post. I am.an author and have up my life to live in Asia for as long as t took to finish a book I am writing. I am fifty, and for the past nine months I have been living among local people, all over the Philippines. I have learnt what true freedom is, to live in the moment and to allow that to create my tomorrow. I will never be able to return to my old life now, not would I want to. Scary, hell yes, but I am alive. Stick to your guns, you are on a athletic that will lead to happiness and fulfillment, and wild adventures along the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow Robert what an adventure your life is! Now that is truly inspiring. It’s amazing to know the stories of others who have sought out a similar path to mine and the insights they’ve gained along the way. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I admire your resolve to live your life your own way. Living while you’re alive, what a way to do it! Thank you for sharing your story Robert. I am sure that you have inspired not just me, but other readers also. Take care, and best of luck on your book!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Love your post. I’ve just found your blog & want to look more into what you’re up to, it sounds exciting. I have taken the jump too, but in a different way. There are so many options available for exploring & discovering yourself. My journey has had a little travel, but much time at home reconnecting with the land & discovering the magic I have to share with the world. I am excited every single time I think about what it is that I am doing knowing that trusting in myself is the one thing that will always get me by. I love that you trust in your gut, it is the best barometer for your truth.
    Take care & enjoy the journey, I look forward to reading more of what you discover. ♥

    Like

    1. Thank you Tanya. I absolutely agree, there are so many ways of self discovery. I too have had beautiful periods of stillness, reacquainting with self. I can really feel your excitement, it’s infectious, please do keeping sharing it! I am so incredibly happy for you. You should be so proud of yourself for listening, trusting in your honesty. Take care of yourself and I wish you all the very best on your road ahead. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  15. When you write about your leap into the unknown, many a heart goes Ding! You remind me of when I quit my job to become a full time writer. Guess I was about 42. In the months between deciding and leaping, I would wake every morning in a panic, sweating, heart pounding like a pile driver. But like you, I knew for sure I had to do it. It was only one (giant) step and I had no idea what surprises were in store. Around 35 years later, I have no regrets. Nor will you.

    Like

    1. Wow Rachel, you are an absolute inspiration! Thank you for taking the leap those years back, thank you for sharing your story, for its stories like yours that reassures my journey, past, present and future! I know those mornings/nights all too well. It’s in the still and quiet, that my doubts and fears feel most comfortable to surface. I may not have any concrete answers, but I am absolutely sure that here is where I’m supposed to be. Thank you for reaching out to me Rachel, it means a lot to me, you’re so very kind. Take care and I wish you all the very best!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Inspiring writing. Mine is a different situation. I want the same as you but I’m a single father with full custody, and I have a shorter time limit than a year. Good luck to both of us. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you John. I wish you all the very best on your adventure. It’s your own, to do with what you can, how you can. We all have our beautifully unique stories, I am excited for you to continue writing yours. Take care of yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I enjoyed reading your blog. One thought comes to mind in response: You are and always will be the captain of your ship.
    Something I have learned is your existence has profound affects on everyone you encounter during your life whether you realize it or not. So live your life in the present and remember we are all connected.
    Ellen

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Ellen, your sentiments are certainly shared. As life ‘happens’, we can feel a loss of control. But I’ve began realise that I can control how I react to these events. The more I share my story, the more I see that we are so connected.
      Thank you again, take care.
      Shruti x

      Like

  18. Hey, this was really inspiring. I’ve recently been trying to find my own route as well, and break away from what my parents expect of me. Maybe one day I’ll have it in me to break free and not hide in fear of their anger and control. I want to be able to fight for what I want and get my priorities heard. For me, life has never been about the 9-5 job either and I don’t understand how there aren’t enough like minded individuals who believe that there’s more to everything than just that. It’s comforting to know that you’re one of them and I’m not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I want to say first and foremost, you are definitely not alone. There are so many of us out there, that work hard to find work that fulfils us whether it’s 9-5, or whether it’s a 24hr commitment. I too fought against what I wanted versus what I thought was expected of me. But to be honest, the expectations, and the pressure, started and ended with me.

      In my journey so far, I have realised that it’s important to know and own who I am. It’s in being my own firm advocate, that acceptance from others has arrived more organically, almost as a ripple effect. Yes, there’s resistance, misunderstandings, but I truly believe that the most important person to convince of who you truly are first, is you.

      This journey has certainly not been easy but I can say, it has been and continues to be worth it.

      We have our own variables that act as our barriers and hurdles. I hope you draw strength from knowing that you are not alone. Thank you again for so courageously sharing your story. I wish you all the best on your journey. May you find all that you are seeking xx

      Like

  19. It’s easy to think of life as being all about the accomplishments we can recall later. However, It’s those day-to-day moments that make up the greatest times of our lives. The experience you’re having right now sounds amazing. Keep exploring, keep appreciating and look forward to the way life will unfold for you.
    Justin – mypositivethought.com

    Like

  20. In my experience it is the bravest thing you can do to follow your gut, and definitely the most rewarding…not in material ways but in ways that are material to finding one’s self and place in the world. To paraphrase Mark Twain, being brave is not about the absence of fear but the mastery of it and pressing on. Your writing resonates with my soul, and I will continue to follow your words. I wish you well on your journey. Sometimes the journey, not the destination is actually the important thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, and offer such kind words of support. I appreciate it. Ah yes, this from Mark Twain, is incredibly profound. I’m so inspired by others such as yourself who in their own way have taken own their own leaps. It’s in your insightful words of advice, that I find greater courage to continue on my journey. Thank you again. I wish you well!

      Like

  21. I TOTALLY get that, and so happy you liked one of my blog entries. It doesn’t have to end. Follow your gut, and do what you have to do to make ends meet.

    Like

      1. You’re welcome, and it’s the great thing about this community. I have had the same struggle recently, and I’ll be damned if I have to give it up. I have sacrifices to make, but it’s worth to live a life I love.

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Niceee she’saseeker!!!!! I looove to se another soul doing this, seeking, stuff!!! I haven’t gotten inti details in my blog just yet but maan for the mmm 6 years in school i just, kinda lost myself. Sometimes i still have, when “demons” from the past decides to say hi, but i started a journey to self discovery in 2013,,, and now i start to feel like ive found what i like in this life, what i wanna do! Ive found myself!! I will still continue really truly this path, and haha yesss as u said it’s not a stopping destination somewhere, it’s a path to continue, n how nice is that?! (i didnt think it was for some time hohoo #lazy#unoatient#fears of pushing one self and failing). Ooooo so lovelyyy wooow I’m so proud of u!!! I wish that… i know that,,, everything your heart is going for is coming to be something so amazing, u already are having it, but itll just continue unfolding like the bestest xmas present,, with lots of xmas paper! XD ummm ok not sure about that example,, but yahh your soul is in this, universe helps us to get everything that we really burn for 🙂 amazing to hear u listened to your heart, u found your most authentic self and thst your writing n traveling ❤ wooohoo!

    Like

    1. Wow how incredibly exciting! Sounds like you’ve had quite a beautiful, tremendously enlightening journey toward your authentic self. I am very happy for you, congratulations on attaining something, arriving at a place, so many of us seek to find. You are the inspiration, so thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for your kind words, your excitement and support for my journey. It means a lot, and your positive vibes have definitely been felt, thank you again. Take care of yourself and I wish you many more amazing moments in the coming future xxx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s